I SAW ELVIS AND HE’S STILL ALIVE! HE WAS IN THE BATHROOM MIRROR STARING BACK AT ME…

Contrary to popular belief, Elvis hasn’t left the building.  He’s just hiding in the bathroom and gazing back at a lot of miserable people from the other side of the mirror. 

How do I know this?  

He used to stare back at me every morning while I brushed my teeth, telling me, "You ain't nothin' but a hounddog.  Cryin all the time." as I prepared for yet another exhausting day. 

These days (and for the most part) he has moved on and doesn't hang out as much.  And I'm glad for it.  I didn't want to end up like Elvis - a man who society may have called successful but also a man who paid the ultimate price too early in life due to an out of balance life.     

Before leaving though, he taught me a few things about the importance of life balance which led me to this revelation:  Life consists of many different forms of income.

Sadly, I now see how broke some people are. 

So what are some of the different incomes in life?  Below are a few of the important ones I notice people often overlook and neglect.       

1) Emotional Income – Your emotional income often comes from daily habits and behaviors.  If you begin each morning reading motivational materials or practicing skills you are passionate about, your emotional income increases.  If you begin each morning reading the obituary and allowing the local news to tell you how bad the world is and why it’s getting worse, your emotional income decreases.  Choose behaviors and habits that motivate you emotionally! 

2) Time Income – Everyone has 24 hours a day deposited into their account.  You can’t save it for tomorrow or next week or next year.  And whatever you don’t spend each day you lose at midnight and can’t get it back.  Time is fleeing.  It really can’t be saved for later no matter how many infomercials and services promise to “save you time!” 

3) Relationship Income – Do your current relationships make you feel rich or poor?  As is said, we are the sum of our relationships.  Better relationships create a better you while toxic relationships have the ability to limit your potential in all areas of your life.  On a personal note:  I truly believe a child needs at least one parent fully engaged in their life.  Yep, we all have to make money but children need an engaged parent more than better clothes, a nice cell phone, 200 channels on TV, and a cool car.  And if giving up one income and right-sizing your life is what it takes to make this possible, do it!  In the long run, the return will be well worth the investment.     

4) Spiritual Income – Too many approach spiritual income with an entitlement mentality.  Just because God loves you, he doesn’t owe you a big house, Mercedes in the driveway, or happiness for that matter.  To increase your spiritual income, you must make an effort to seek Him out.

5) Health Income – Want to feel good in your 60’s and 70’s?  Start in your 20’s, 30’s, and 40’s.  That Big Mac may taste good at twenty-five years old but it won’t feel good at sixty-five years old.  Investing four hours a day sitting on the couch because you want to at thirty-five years old usually means you will be sitting on the couch at sixty-five years old for hours a day because you do not have the health to do anything else.  The point?  Put the required work into creating healthy habits now and reap the benefits of that work in your golden years.  Strive to be like my piano instructor who continues to mow her lawn at eighty-nine years old!

6)  Financial Income – If you are not making ends meet, you always have a few options.  Increase your income by getting another job or second job, go back to school and learn a more in demand trade, or decrease your lifestyle.  And find no shame in seeking government assistance for a while if needed while making an effort to better your situation. (But don’t see government assistance as a permanent form of income and upgrade your car or phone since “Uncle Sam” is now buying the groceries.)  

However, if you have a great income but find yourself still focused on making more, you risk decreasing other incomes in your life.  Are you simply trading your relationships, health, or valuable time for more money you actually don’t need?  What does it matter if you are making $150,000 a year but trading your health, relationships, and all of your time for it?  Those are parts of your life that, once gone, can’t be bought back no matter how big your bank account gets.

7) Charitable Income – What is your life producing so as to make the world a better place for the next generation?  Are you sharing your time?  Are you sharing your money?  Are you sharing kind words and encouragement?  Are you sharing your talents?  I truly believe the more you give, the better the return.  And study after study has proven that giving and happiness go hand in hand.

Nonetheless, proper giving means to practice giving with what you have to give, not what you want to give.  For example, if you have $200.00 in the bank, a $180.00 power bill due tomorrow, and three kids depending on you, you can’t afford to give $150.00 to a local homeless shelter, even if it makes you feel good when they call you a saint!

But you can afford to share some of your time and encouraging words.  Remember, give what you can afford! 

What are a few takeaways?

1.  Successful people understand the importance of balance in life.  

2.  Lose the cultural idea of success and invest your energy into creating personal success!  Everyone who owns a Mercedes is not necessarily successful just as choosing to drive a ten year old car does not mean you are unsuccessful.  If you disagree, just study the lives of Elvis, Michael Jackson, Chris Farley, and Marilyn Monroe.  All were outstanding talents living out of balance lives and, in the end, paid the ultimate price for it much too soon.   

3. Personal success, in a nutshell, is answered by one question.  Am I happy?  If the answer is no, what incomes do you need to increase?   What incomes are you putting too much emphasis on?  What steps can you take to create balance which, in the end, creates happiness? 

4. Take the Elvis test.  Look at yourself in the mirror in the morning.  What do you see?  Do you see  balance, contentment, and a sparkle in your eye?  If so, high five the person in the mirror, congratulate them for living a life of uniqueness and purpose and living "T.C.B." or Taking Care of Business!  (A favorite motto of Elvis.) 

What if the person staring back at you looks exhausted and depressed?  What if the expression on the person’s face in the mirror resembles the expression of a person drowning?  What if Elvis is staring back at you saying, “You’re decisions are killing me!!”  If so, make changes beginning today. 

Why? 

Elvis may be the King of Rock n Roll, but he was also a slave to a life he chose not to control that, in the end, took his happiness and ultimately ended his life much too soon. 

And that makes him no different than the average person who chooses to exist in misery each day, living an Elvis impression that's spot on, but convinced the outcome will be different. 

I’ll go ahead and tell you, it won’t.  

  I guess there is nothing more to say except…

 Thank you.  Thank you very much for reading along.

 “Your hand opens and closes, opens and closes. If it were always a fist or always stretched open, you would be paralyzed. Your deepest presence is in every small contracting and expanding, the two as beautifully balanced and coordinated as birds' wings.” - Rumi

 

 

 

 

 

MY DOG SOMETIMES EATS FROM THE GARBAGE. BUT SO DO A FEW OTHER PEOPLE I KNOW…

I often get the question:  “Why do I keep getting in or staying in bad relationships?”

Let me share some insight that may help some of you…

If a person is given a choice between eating nourishing food from a clean table or eating from a garbage can, they will choose to eat from the table.  If a person is given the choice between eating from the garbage or eating nothing at all, guess what?  The innate desire for nutrition and survival will force even the pickiest eater to dig through the garbage for food.

Companionship is no different.  We require companionship.  It provides emotional and spiritual nutrition to our body and soul.  And if the only choice we give ourselves is a bad relationship or no relationship at all, we’ll almost always take the relationship over loneliness in an attempt to satisfy the hunger for love and acceptance.  

 While in counseling, I observed that the two reasons most people stayed in abusive relationships with themselves and others were:

1) They didn’t believe they deserved better.

2) The abusive relationship at least filled a need that the loneliness didn’t.  (Companionship and/or escape)

Don't get me wrong.  There is nutrition to be found in the garbage can just as there is companionship to be found in abusive relationships. But don’t turn these places of last resort into your only option for emotional, spiritual, and physical nourishment.

So why do people get into bad relationships?

What happens if only time you go to the supermarket to shop is when you’re extremely hungry?  The answer?  You don’t make smart decisions. 

What happens if the only time you search for companionship is when you’re extremely lonely?

The answer?  You don’t make smart decisions. 

What are a few things you can do while searching for Mr. or Mrs. Right?

·        Get socially involved. I’ve met a lot of people just from participating in local 5k races.  I would not have met those people if I only ran on my treadmill in my home.    

·        Volunteer.  There are people who need your compassion and time.

·        Take care of your physical health.  This is vital in regards to improving self-worth.

·        Have a lunch date with a friend at least 2 times a month.  It gives you something to look forward to and an outlet from your daily routine.

·        Get involved in community projects.

·        Meet with a trusted counselor or life coach.  Asking for help is not admitting weakness.

·        Read, read, and read some more!  Reading changes how your mind works and how you solve problems.  The next book you read may contain the key that unlocks the answers you’re looking for.

·        Trust your instinct.  It will notice things you don’t.  For example, if your instinct is warning you that going on date #2 with someone may not be the best thing for you, don’t go on date #2 simply because you have nothing else to do!

·        Love yourself.  Even in today’s world, the age old statement of “Until you love yourself, you can’t love anyone else” is as true as ever. 

 I believe our social relationships are a good indicator of the value we place on ourselves.  And this value is what determines if we choose to sit at the table to fulfill our emotional and spiritual needs or if we dig through the garbage for it...

WINNERS ARE THE BEST QUITTERS!

“I know I’ll win because I don’t quit!”

     But here is where most people misunderstand the idea of quitting and misinterpret statements like, “A winner never quits!” 

     There is no reason to keep putting your energy into something that isn’t working.  Personally, I’ve learned that the only time I’m “quitting” is when I’m not pursuing and fulfilling the purpose of my life.  And while I know I will occasionally take the wrong path while trying to reach my goals,  I’ve also learned that continuing down the wrong path after I’ve figured out it’s the wrong path….. Well that’s just a waste of time and energy!  

     Don’t confuse changing directions to reach your goals as quitting on your goals all together.  Whether you’re looking for a new career that lines up with your passions, new relationships, new places to live, new schools, new ways to save money, or new ways to develop your dreams, you’ve got to quit what isn’t working on occasion so you can refocus your energy and time into a new approach.  Remember, the caterpillar had to quit being a caterpillar before it could become a butterfly.    

     Successful people know when to quit something that isn’t working and refocus their energy on a new path.  They understand that success is created by using the trial and error approach while not losing focus on discovering and fulfilling their overall purpose.    

Are you a quitter? 

Maybe you should be...         

“The first thing most people need to quit is to quit believing that the only path offered to them is the only path available.”

 Chadrick Black

AN OVERWEIGHT NEIGHBOR TOLD MY DRUG ADDICT COUSIN THAT A FRIEND, WHILE FILING FOR BANKRUPTCY AT THE COURTHOUSE, OVERHEARD THE RACIST MAILMAN TELLING THE RECENTLY DIVORCED ATTORNEY AND HIS CHILD-NEGLECTING CLIENT THAT GOD DOESN’T LOVE GAY PEOPLE.

     By nature, I’m an observer.  It’s just what I do.  And when I worked in drug rehab years ago, there was a phenomenon I often observed concerning the interactions between many of the participants in the program – connections that usually occurred while outside sharing a smoke together or during break, sharing a smoke together or after the meeting, well….. sharing a smoke together. 

     FYI:  Most recovering drug addicts smoke.  A lot.

     But as they stood outside, turning the entrance of the clinic or any other place they chose to gather into something that resembled a smoke-filled rock concert, less the rock, I never observed them criticizing or judging one another for being a drug addict.  And I never recall receiving a complaint that a drug addict criticized another drug addict for being a drug addict.  Overall, they were pretty accepting of each other’s faults, mistakes, and for the most part, were supportive of each other’s recovery.

     Over the years, I’ve often observed this phenomenon with other support groups and lifestyles as well.  Here are a few examples:   

 • I’ve observed that people who attend Weight Watchers are rarely, if ever, criticized or judged for being obese by other people in the group.  I’ve yet to know of a Weight Watchers group that singles out a member, labels them the “fat kid”, and then uses part of the meeting to make fun of them. 

• I’ve observed that gay couples are rarely critical or judgmental of other gay couples. 

• I’ve observed that someone who can’t read or write doesn’t get made fun of by others who can’t read or write.

• I’ve observed that someone who has been to prison usually doesn’t look down on someone who is in prison. 

• I’ve observed that someone who is going through a divorce usually isn’t judged by someone who has been through a divorce.

• I’ve observed that someone who is having a child out of wedlock usually isn’t judged by someone who had a child out of wedlock.

• I’ve observed that someone who gets fired or laid off usually isn’t judged by someone who has been fired or laid off before. 

• I’ve observed that someone who is experiencing the shame associated with filing for bankruptcy usually isn’t judged or criticized by others who also had financial troubles in the past.

• I’ve observed that someone who has to sign up for government assistance usually isn’t judged by someone who was once on government assistance.

• I’ve observed that the homeless rarely judge other people who are homeless.

• I’ve observed that talking about someone who is being cheated on usually isn’t a form of entertainment enjoyed by others who have been cheated on.

     When I reflect on all of the observations listed above, I’m reminded that many people reading this:

1) Know how it feels to be judged, criticized, or made fun of by another group or person. 

 2) Will, at some point in life, become the target of someone else’s hate and fear. 

3) If I continued to list choices, mistakes and challenges, I would eventually list something that everyone would relate to – a poor choice, a mistake, a challenge, or a lifestyle that isn’t accepted by another group or person.  Why? Because nobody’s perfect. 

      When you look at the observations I listed, which one of these “problems with society” are you going to fix?  Which one are you going to attack?  Which one are you being told by church leaders and political figures to fight?  How many lifestyles, mistakes, poor choices, or challenges need to change in order to make the world around you feel more “ideal”?  How many of these things challenge your religious beliefs, your social beliefs, your family beliefs or your personal beliefs?  Which ones make you uncomfortable?  Which ones make you afraid?  Which ones make you angry?   

     You know, You can spend your whole life preaching against the wrongs of others and the world– the poor choices made – the lifestyles you don’t agree with – the poor habits other’s practice.  You can fight from morning to night, holding tight to the belief that the only way to be is your way!

Or…..

     You can just choose to love people.  You can choose to show compassion.  You can choose to be respectful.  You can choose to start each day by saying, “I treat others, not based on who they are and how they choose to live, but based on who I am and who I have been instructed to be…”

     Folks, being happy, when you get down to it, really isn’t that hard.  It only gets hard when we get in the business of judging another’s decisions, lifestyles or mistakes. It only gets hard when we begin telling others how to be happy; how they’re 100% wrong and how you’re 100% right.  It gets hard when we neglect our own growth, challenges and families and begin putting our energy and time in attacking others who, in reality, may have never displayed any aggression towards us.  It becomes hard when we stop loving and start judging those who may not see things exactly the way we see them. 

     On the contrary, the best way to find happiness is to observe, from time to time, how someone treats people who have traveled the same road they’ve traveled.  Ever notice, when you’ve “walked a mile in their shoes”, how easy it is to look past lifestyles and mistakes and see a real person who cries and laughs and dreams and hopes? 

     But you don’t have to walk a mile in another’s shoes before you choose to respect and love them.  You just have to follow the example of the one who came to earth to teach us how we should treat each other. 

     I guess the best thing I’ve learned from observing and opening my life to others is that, many times, I never speak of what I believe.  I don’t have to.  I just let my actions and how I treat them to the talking...   

Three things will last forever--faith, hope, and love--and the greatest of these is love. - 1 Corinthians 13:13

THE GUY TOLD ME THE WORLD IS GOING TO HELL, JESUS IS COMING BACK SOON AND THAT THE MAYAN CALENDER IS COUNTING DOWN FAST! (AND THEN HE SOLD ME A 30-YEAR MORTGAGE, SIGNED ME UP FOR A 401-K AND INSISTED THAT I START A COLLEGE FUND FOR MY THREE-YEAR-OLD...)

I always find the story funny of the early 1900’s preacher who was so convinced the world would soon end and that Jesus’ return was just around the corner that he spent months ordering his congregation to get their personal affairs in order. Fear and panic swept through the members of the church as they became convinced that the wickedness of the world had peaked and God was calling his children home! The fear paralyzed their lives and for months, placed them in a constant state of waiting. (And you thought having to wait an hour in your Doctor’s office is distressing!)  

     Nevertheless, when some of the members of the congregation noticed the preacher planting his garden the next spring, their fears were quickly eased and they realized that the end may not be as close as they once believed…

     Throughout history, there have always been groups and individuals like these – a segment of the population that uses current topics and social issues to convince themselves and others that they’re probably the last generation on earth. (I guess eventually a generation has to be right and will have the privilege of doling out the most ultimate “I told you so!” in history.) 

     These groups and individuals relentlessly look for evidence that strengthens their “sign of the times” theories – any news story that provides any indication that mankind has hit an all-time low – that the present time is the worst it has ever been and getting worse by the day – that the wickedness of the world has hit catastrophic levels! 

     For example, a modern argument some are using to support our current “fall from grace” is often brought up to me – a topic discussed in Christian circles and organizations – a few decades old platform that many political leaders and members of the Christian faith alike speak passionately on when confronted with and believe it’s one of the larger issues faced in current American culture.  And this debate is usually started with a phrase along the lines of,

“Many of today’s problems began when they kicked God out of our public schools!”

I know he isn’t about to address that? 

Yes.  Yes I am…

     But to begin, let me step on this slippery slope feet first by sharing that, in 1821, the first American high school was opened in Boston.  In 1856, the first kindergarten was opened in Wisconsin.  I share those facts to remind you that the current public education system really isn’t that old based on world history and Jesus didn’t actually attend some school called Valley High and letter in track and field.  (They wanted him to try out for the swim team but he kept “walking” all over the competition!  Sorry, I couldn’t resist.  It’s just how my mind thinks…)

     Continuing on with what I just shared about the history of the education system, the “When we took God out of our schools our country began falling apart!” argument probably wasn’t much of a topic on telegraph lines (the original Facebook), church meetings, and mailings before 1821 as, prior to that date (and long after that period for most of the country) much of a child’s education came from home as did their knowledge of God and the Bible.  It was a period in history when educating your own child was a way of life and soccer moms placed “My child is an honor student at Home School High” bumper stickers on their buggies and wagons and every kid usually finished top of the class. (The parent/teacher conference had to be pretty boring though.) 

     Nevertheless, I feel any pre-1821 parent you meet would look at you as though you were a three-eyed toad and not understand what in the world 2012 parents are so angry about when we’re raging how God has been removed from public school!  I imagine the conversation to go something along these lines:

 Pre-1821 Parent: “Oh, so you can’t teach about God or the Bible in your home in the year 2012?”

“That’s not a problem,” you respond.  “I can teach about God and the Bible at home all I want! 

“I can teach it in the park!

I can teach it in the dark!

I can teach it while I plan!

I can teach it while standing in sand!

I can teach it while washing clothes!

I can teach it while using a watering hose!

I can teach it while running around town!

I can even teach it dressed like a clown!

I can teach it while the weather is sunny!

I can teach it even if I have no money!

But I do not like the “Keeping God out of school” sham!

I do not like it, a mad parent I am!”

(Okay, so most parents don’t speak as though they’re reciting a Dr. Seuss story.  But wouldn’t it make your next parent/teacher conference more interesting?)

“I guess I’m confused,” the pre-1821 parent responds.

“What are you confused about?” you respond.

 “I guess I’m confused as to what time in history did teaching about God and the Bible become the school’s responsibility and no longer the parent’s responsibility?  You have the freedom to teach it any time you choose and yet you’re upset that the school isn’t doing the job you, as a parent, were given responsibility for?” 

That response just makes you mad and you fire back,

“You don’t get it!  They took Him out of the school system and they’re even trying to say that He doesn’t exist!  What’s going to become of our children if the public schools don’t teach about God?”

The pre-1921 parent responds,

“How does your public school system’s acknowledgment or lack of acknowledgment change God’s existence?  Besides, if God is being shared at home with your children, how can they really keep Him out of school?  An institution like the public school system you speak of can’t prevent children from taking God to school no more than they can prevent a child from breathing while at school.  I’m not sure why you’re so fearful of this public school system you speak of but I do envy you...”

“ENVY ME???  WHY IN THE WORLD WOULD YOU ENVY ME?????”

“I see an opportunity you have with your children that I don’t have.  I’ve never had a place like the public school system to send my children to – a place that was willing to educate them in matters of math, science, reading and writing.  But if I had a public school system like you speak of to help with those lessons, I could then focus more on Biblical teachings about character, integrity and love at home – lessons to plant in their heart and help guide them while they pursue their worldly education from the public school system.  Wow, what a privilege you’ve been given!”

     WOW!  

     Is that a different way to look at this debate and a side you may have never seen?

     But why do you never see that argument from many current religious and political leaders? 

     You know, when you remove fear and anger, you begin seeing opportunity and blessings.  But ultimately, you see God’s love and a chance to share more of it with your children.  Suddenly, life and the world around you begin to look different.

     However, if you’re following leaders and special-interest groups that spend half their time and money making you afraid and the other half of their time and money telling you who you should blame for those fears, you’re going to always live in a constant state of either fear or anger.  And, from my experience, the state you live in (either fear or anger) is probably going to be the state that best serves another’s agenda at that particular time or for that particular issue.

     As a Christian, I may personally believe that it is important to teach Biblical principles in public school.  But becoming angry about it and blaming current leaders and cultural shifts in society doesn’t excuse me from my responsibility of teaching those same Biblical principles at home.  And I believe that any home that nurtures a child using God’s love and teachings creates a child who will take God with them wherever they go (including public school) as well as form a child who will understand how to accept and love others without criticizing and degrading those at school who may not be exactly like them.  (Think about the current issue of bullying.)  

     Besides, Jesus didn’t hang out with church deacons and preachers all the time. He hung out with regular folks who had more problems than you could shake a stick at!  Folks like you and me.  Folks who can play Usher and Def Leppard on the way to church and also hit every note of Amazing Grace while in the choir.  Folks who find reason to swear on occasion and then find forgiveness as they laugh at the situation and realize swearing didn’t actually improve the situation.  Folks who don’t act like they’re perfect by no means but know that they’re loved unconditionally regardless of their imperfections.   

     And that’s what it’s about.  When you look at things from a perspective of personal responsibility, love, and acceptance, you begin seeing opportunities and blessings instead of obstacles and challenges.  You stop seeing the world as “going to hell in a hand basket” and “coming to an end” and start seeing the world (and your life) as a gift.   

     As Wayne Dyer shared, “When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.” 

     The only thing I can promise is, the world didn’t end today, Jesus didn’t come back and the Mayan calendar still has a few months left. 

     And as for tomorrow, I don’t have a clue. 

     But that makes my prediction as good as anyone else’s…

I LOVE MY NEW PET! I WATCH HIM, CLEAN HIM, SPEND HOURS EVERY DAY WITH HIM, EVEN TAKE HIM FOR RIDES IN THE CAR SOMETIMES! WHAT IS HIS NAME? HIS NAME IS MR. TELEVISION… (TV for short)

“Have no fear!!!  With current issues of panic and uncertainty running wild, at least we have our televisions to comfort us and make everything all better!”

     The amount of sarcasm holding the above statement together is probably thick enough to spread on toast…

     If you have not figured it out yet, current news agencies realize the easiest way to prop up shaky ratings is with “shock and awe” news, whereas the more fear and anxiety they produce, the better the ratings.  It usually goes something along these lines:    

”Coming up on Channel 5 news, exclusive new details of three murders that took place just minutes ago 12,000 miles away from your front door and why your dogs, children and drinking water may now be in danger!  Also, we’ll talk about the new threats of walking and breathing at the same time and how that combination could eventually lead to death.  And in our ‘Parenting Segment’, we’ll look at a just completed ten year study by Harvard University involving M&M’s, your cat’s bowel movement schedule, and how the number of times your child says the word ‘gobbledygook’ before age twelve could predict his or her chances of becoming President one day…”

“And remember, Channel 5 News is now sponsored in part by McDonalds. So make sure to grab a value meal (Don’t forget to supersize that sucker!) as you pay $16.00 a gallon for gas and live in constant fear that you’ll be laid off ever since  we shared findings from our financial expert (who also happens to be our janitor at the news station) indicating your job is in jeopardy.  Therefore, sit back in your lazy boy recliner, inhale those fries, nuggets and burgers, take a gulp from that soda cup big enough to take a bath in and get ready to surf the waves of depression we’ll be throwing at ya!”

“Don’t forget. At Channel 5 news, we do the thinkin for you so you don’t have to!”

     So what’s the solution?  Should we all buy a gun, lock the doors, drop to our knees in constant prayer, talk about the good ole days and how the world used to make sense, tell everyone we love’em and then get ready kiss our butt goodbye, knowing that all hell may break loose at any given moment? 

     Or……..

     Do we choose to have faith? 

     I’m often reminded how the Bible teaches us and encourages us to “not be afraid” hundreds of times and yet so many of us, (thanks to 24-hour news coverage ranging from The Middle East, to the financial crash, to the Kardashian’s newest $25,000 rare goldfish imported from an island that the Pentagon can’t even locate), go through our days with that “deer in headlights” look. 

     On the contrary, it appears that Hollywood could put out a headline that reads, “Wearing a shovel on your head is all the rage!” and there would probably be a riot at every Lowes and Home Depot between L.A and New York.  (But don’t worry, Channel 5 news would provide full coverage of the riots, explain why you should be afraid, and eventually decide who you should blame...) 

     I guess it’s hard to hear the quiet voice in our hearts whispering to have faith in the good things when someone is always shouting from an electrical box mounted on every wall in our home, “BUY THIS AND YOU’LL NEVER FEEL SAFER OR HAPPIER!  AND IF YOU ORDER NOW, WE’LL SEND YOU TWO FOR TWICE THE PRICE!  BUT HURRY, WE’VE ONLY GOT 5 LEFT AND YOUR NEIGHBOR IS ON THE PHONE ORDERING 3 OF THOSE!!!!”

     We should ask ourselves:  Why do we think that knowing every possible bit of information we can squeeze into our day is going to make our days better?  Do we not already have enough to focus on? 

     Now I’m not saying we should forget about pursuing truth and knowledge and go through life walking around with our head in a bucket of sand.  (There are too many of those in Washington D.C. who do that now.) What I am saying is that it’s foolish to think that overloading your plate with the “all you can eat” buffet served 24/7 by news agencies like CNN, FOX, or NBC is going to actually improve your life and keep your goldfish safe.

     Starting now, you can spend the rest of your life living in a state of doubt and fear, discussing with your friends on Facebook about the recent story Channel 5 News shared about how someone living in “couldn’t find it on a map if we tried” was recently denied service at Starbucks because their religious practice of running around naked with chicken feathers glued to their body and dancing to Funky Cold Media in the parking lot was, based on the lawsuit filed for $20,000,000,000 by their attorney, clearly an attack on religious rights in this country and proof that the end time is near!!!  

     Or you can choose to have some faith that everything may actually be okay.  Have some faith that God really does have your best interest in mind.  Have some faith in yourself.  Have some faith in the goodness of people.  Have some faith in your children.  Have some faith that you don’t have to know all the answers to be happy.  Have some faith that the sun will rise tomorrow.  Have some faith that mankind will continue to create remarkable music and art and demonstrate unbelievable acts of love and kindness towards each other.  Have faith in the power of the family unit (however you define “family unit”) and remember that change truly does begin at home.  

     If the news has you feeling so down and out that you’re considering hanging out with the in-laws for a day to help improve your mood, it may be time to turn off the television and listen to the voice in your heart - a voice that isn’t trying to sell you anything or trying to make you afraid.  It’s just reminding you to have a little faith in the good things in life and to enjoy the blessings around you.

     As David Jeremiah recently shared, “During this life, we’re not promised that the flight won’t be a little bumpy and have some turbulence, we’re only promised a safe landing.”

     And that pretty much sums it up.  Most news agencies and television stations build ratings by constantly keeping the bumps and turbulence of life at the forefront of our attention.  But you’ll find there is so much more to your life than bumps and turbulence when you decide to turn the television off – good parts of your life that you may be overlooking.

    You just have to have a little faith…

    

       

I HATE YOUR GUTS!!!!! (please don't leave me...)

  I’m asked on occasion to share my thoughts on dealing with difficult relationships, emotionally abusive relationships, controlling relationships or those relationships that want to keep you “boxed” into their ideas and expectations of who you should be or what you should be doing with life. 

     So how do you address those relationships without it turning into an episode of Jerry Springer?

•The important first step is to not begin a tough discussion while you’re emotional.  This may sound strange, but you can plan to meet and discuss it at a park, a favorite restaurant, any place that doesn’t have sharp knives and weapons, or a secluded location where you’re tempted to take a shovel with you and bury the evidence.  Basically, pick a safe place and neutual site. 

•Do not start the meeting with “Do you know why I wanted us to meet today?”  No one likes to be surprised and everyone is going to get defensive if they feel they’re being attacked without notice.  The way that approach always comes across is that you’ve taken all the time you need to build your case and now expect the other person to respond within 60 seconds!

•Consider opening a channel of communication by expressing something along the lines of, “Could you meet me at the park next Tuesday around 4pm?  I would like to get your thoughts on our relationship as well as share some feelings I’m struggling with that I hope you can help me with.  Would you be willing to meet me?”  That statement is safe, non-blaming, and demonstrates that you do care about the relationship.

•While working in counseling, I would share that even if you’re dating or married to the biggest jerk in the world, even if your parents are so controlling that they treat you like a television and they're holding the remote, constantly trying to change you to make them happy, even if siblings have more in common with Satan than you; you’re still a part of the problem.  “What?  They’re the jerks and it’s my fault!”  In some sense, yes.  They’re only jerks because you allow them to be.  They only control because you allow them to control.  They only abuse because you allow them to abuse.  They’re like Satan because, (well, I don’t have one for that but you get the point.)  The bottom line is this:  You’ve got to stand up for yourself!  You’ve got to have the confidence to say,

“Enough is enough!  You either respect me and accept me or get out of your life.  I’m not going to continue to live a life just to receive your approval.  So beginning today, we will either make changes in our relationship that we both agree to practice going forward or we will choose to end our relationship and move on. I’m coming to you, not to fight, but because I care about this relationship.  If I didn’t, I would not bother to address these feelings.  But I must be allowed to be who I am if this relationship is going to continue.  So that is why I will first ask you to work with me in making the changes I feel need to be made.”

"However, if you refuse to work with me, I will make the changes necessary to ensure my happiness and future – a future that you will be a limited part of or not part of at all.  

“Living in uncertainty, unfairness, and confusion is no benefit to either of us.  And I have lived with those feelings long enough.” 

•Relationships, even on the good days, are complicated and hard.  It’s easy to become lazy and just allow perceptions and opinions to affect our judgment of another’s life and the choices they make.  Therefore, get involved, ask questions, show interest in things they’re passionate about, and regularly communicate by using the opening phrase, “I feel…” instead of “I think…”  (For instance, everyone can relate to what it is like to feel afraid, sad, angry, happy, or nervous vs. how unique everyone’s thoughts are.) 

Thought

“I think we should not buy a new car right now.”

Feeling

“I feel afraid and nervous regarding buying a new car right now.”

*Notice how both phrases communicate the same thing but sharing your feelings (remember, people relate to feelings faster than thoughts) regarding buying a new car is easier to communicate and understand. 

     Relationships play such an important role in our life.  But left unattended and uncared for, they can become something we never intended them to be.  Therefore, take time out of each day to exercise and express thankfulness, love, as well as perform regular light maintenance with the important relationships in your life.  It’ll make you, and everyone involved, happier.   

     Most importantly though, your #1 relationship has to be with yourself!  As the saying goes, “You can’t give away something you don’t already possess.”  And if you don’t love yourself, respect yourself, encourage yourself, or believe in yourself, you will have a hard time giving those positive attributes away to others – attributes needed to sustain any long-term relationship. 

Whenever you're in conflict with someone, there is one factor that can make the difference between damaging your relationship and deepening it. That factor is attitude.”

William James