By nature, I’m an observer.
It’s just what I do. And when I
worked in drug rehab years ago, there was a phenomenon I often observed
concerning the interactions between many of the participants in the program – connections
that usually occurred while outside sharing a smoke together or during break,
sharing a smoke together or after the meeting, well….. sharing a smoke
together.
FYI: Most recovering drug addicts smoke. A lot.
But as they stood
outside, turning the entrance of the clinic or any other place they chose to
gather into something that resembled a smoke-filled rock concert, less the
rock, I never observed them criticizing or judging one another for being a drug
addict. And I never recall receiving a
complaint that a drug addict criticized another drug addict for being a drug
addict. Overall, they were pretty
accepting of each other’s faults, mistakes, and for the most part, were
supportive of each other’s recovery.
Over the years,
I’ve often observed this phenomenon with other support groups and lifestyles as
well. Here are a few examples:
• I’ve observed that
people who attend Weight Watchers are rarely, if ever, criticized or judged for
being obese by other people in the group.
I’ve yet to know of a Weight Watchers group that singles out a member,
labels them the “fat kid”, and then uses part of the meeting to make fun of
them.
• I’ve observed that gay couples are rarely critical or
judgmental of other gay couples.
• I’ve observed that someone who can’t read or write doesn’t
get made fun of by others who can’t read or write.
• I’ve observed that someone who has been to prison usually
doesn’t look down on someone who is in prison.
• I’ve observed that someone who is going through a divorce
usually isn’t judged by someone who has been through a divorce.
• I’ve observed that someone who is having a child out of
wedlock usually isn’t judged by someone who had a child out of wedlock.
• I’ve observed that someone who gets fired or laid off
usually isn’t judged by someone who has been fired or laid off before.
• I’ve observed that someone who is experiencing the shame
associated with filing for bankruptcy usually isn’t judged or criticized by
others who also had financial troubles in the past.
• I’ve observed that someone who has to sign up for
government assistance usually isn’t judged by someone who was once on
government assistance.
• I’ve observed that the homeless rarely judge other people
who are homeless.
• I’ve observed that talking about someone who is being
cheated on usually isn’t a form of entertainment enjoyed by others who have
been cheated on.
When I reflect on
all of the observations listed above, I’m reminded that many people reading
this:
1) Know how it feels to be judged, criticized, or made fun
of by another group or person.
2) Will, at some point in life, become the target of someone
else’s hate and fear.
3) If I continued to list choices, mistakes and challenges,
I would eventually list something that everyone would relate to – a poor
choice, a mistake, a challenge, or a lifestyle that isn’t accepted by another
group or person. Why? Because nobody’s
perfect.
When you look at the observations I listed,
which one of these “problems with society” are you going to fix? Which one are you going to attack? Which one are you being told by church
leaders and political figures to fight?
How many lifestyles, mistakes, poor choices, or challenges need to
change in order to make the world around you feel more “ideal”? How many of these things challenge your
religious beliefs, your social beliefs, your family beliefs or your personal
beliefs? Which ones make you
uncomfortable? Which ones make you
afraid? Which ones make you angry?
You know, You can
spend your whole life preaching against the wrongs of others and the world– the
poor choices made – the lifestyles you don’t agree with – the poor habits
other’s practice. You can fight from
morning to night, holding tight to the belief that the only way to be is your
way!
Or…..
You can just
choose to love people. You can choose to
show compassion. You can choose to be
respectful. You can choose to start each
day by saying, “I treat others, not based on who they are and how they choose
to live, but based on who I am and who I have been instructed to be…”
Folks, being
happy, when you get down to it, really isn’t that hard. It only gets hard when we get in the business
of judging another’s decisions, lifestyles or mistakes. It only gets hard when
we begin telling others how to be happy; how they’re 100% wrong and how you’re 100%
right. It gets hard when we neglect our
own growth, challenges and families and begin putting our energy and time in
attacking others who, in reality, may have never displayed any aggression towards
us. It becomes hard when we stop loving
and start judging those who may not see things exactly the way we see
them.
On the contrary, the
best way to find happiness is to observe, from time to time, how someone treats
people who have traveled the same road they’ve traveled. Ever notice, when you’ve “walked a mile in their
shoes”, how easy it is to look past lifestyles and mistakes and see a real
person who cries and laughs and dreams and hopes?
But you don’t have
to walk a mile in another’s shoes before you choose to respect and love them. You just have to follow the example of the
one who came to earth to teach us how we should treat each other.
I guess the best
thing I’ve learned from observing and opening my life to others is that, many
times, I never speak of what I believe.
I don’t have to. I just let my actions and how I treat them to the talking...
Three things will last
forever--faith, hope, and love--and the greatest of these is love. - 1
Corinthians 13:13
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