MY DOG SOMETIMES EATS FROM THE GARBAGE. BUT SO DO A FEW OTHER PEOPLE I KNOW…

I often get the question:  “Why do I keep getting in or staying in bad relationships?”

Let me share some insight that may help some of you…

If a person is given a choice between eating nourishing food from a clean table or eating from a garbage can, they will choose to eat from the table.  If a person is given the choice between eating from the garbage or eating nothing at all, guess what?  The innate desire for nutrition and survival will force even the pickiest eater to dig through the garbage for food.

Companionship is no different.  We require companionship.  It provides emotional and spiritual nutrition to our body and soul.  And if the only choice we give ourselves is a bad relationship or no relationship at all, we’ll almost always take the relationship over loneliness in an attempt to satisfy the hunger for love and acceptance.  

 While in counseling, I observed that the two reasons most people stayed in abusive relationships with themselves and others were:

1) They didn’t believe they deserved better.

2) The abusive relationship at least filled a need that the loneliness didn’t.  (Companionship and/or escape)

Don't get me wrong.  There is nutrition to be found in the garbage can just as there is companionship to be found in abusive relationships. But don’t turn these places of last resort into your only option for emotional, spiritual, and physical nourishment.

So why do people get into bad relationships?

What happens if only time you go to the supermarket to shop is when you’re extremely hungry?  The answer?  You don’t make smart decisions. 

What happens if the only time you search for companionship is when you’re extremely lonely?

The answer?  You don’t make smart decisions. 

What are a few things you can do while searching for Mr. or Mrs. Right?

·        Get socially involved. I’ve met a lot of people just from participating in local 5k races.  I would not have met those people if I only ran on my treadmill in my home.    

·        Volunteer.  There are people who need your compassion and time.

·        Take care of your physical health.  This is vital in regards to improving self-worth.

·        Have a lunch date with a friend at least 2 times a month.  It gives you something to look forward to and an outlet from your daily routine.

·        Get involved in community projects.

·        Meet with a trusted counselor or life coach.  Asking for help is not admitting weakness.

·        Read, read, and read some more!  Reading changes how your mind works and how you solve problems.  The next book you read may contain the key that unlocks the answers you’re looking for.

·        Trust your instinct.  It will notice things you don’t.  For example, if your instinct is warning you that going on date #2 with someone may not be the best thing for you, don’t go on date #2 simply because you have nothing else to do!

·        Love yourself.  Even in today’s world, the age old statement of “Until you love yourself, you can’t love anyone else” is as true as ever. 

 I believe our social relationships are a good indicator of the value we place on ourselves.  And this value is what determines if we choose to sit at the table to fulfill our emotional and spiritual needs or if we dig through the garbage for it...